Riding the Re:Train

Last August, Mars Hill Church, our home church for the past four years and where I've been working for the past two years, started a Masters of Missional Leadership program called Re:Train. The program is designed to provide a seminary experience with a heavy emphasis on practical application. Pastors and professors from all over the country, including Dr. Bruce Ware, Dr. Gregg Allison, and Dr. John Piper have traveled to Seattle for one weekend out of the month to teach what's typically weeks worth of material in two intense days.

I was blessed to be accepted into the program this year as one of the seventy students in the inaugural class. It's been a challenging, but enjoyable experience. Along the way I've had the opportunity to learn from some amazingly wise, Christian men, read many challenging and helpful books, and think through what it looks like to put all of this into practice.

I'm currently working on our final assignment: a thirty-five to fifty page Master's Thesis, which will serve as a synthesis of what I've learned this past year, as well as a vision and plan for my life in ministry this coming year.

Following Mackenzie's example (part 1, part 2), I thought I'd share some of the books that have had the greatest impact on me this past year.

God's Big Picture by Vaughan Roberts
In many ways this is a more accessible version of Graeme Goldsworthy's Gospel and Kingdom. They both explain how the sixty-six books of the Bible fit together to form one, unified story--God's story of creation, the fall, redemption, and consummation.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate by Jerry Bridges
Romans 3:23 says that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," but many Christians act as if their sin isn't grievous to God just because it might not be as "obvious" or damaging to those around them. This book does an excellent job of dispelling that myth and aims at helping people see just how desperately we all need God's grace.

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: Relationships, Roles, and Relevance by Bruce Ware
The Trinity and Jesus' humanity/divinity are two of the more challenging doctrines of the Christian faith. How can one God exist in three persons? How can Jesus be fully man and fully God? This book is extremely helpful in trying to understand these important truths.

Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper
Piper is an amazing writer; his writing is both poetic and easy to understand. This particular book does a great job explaining why Jesus is worthy of our worship.

The Assembly of "The Way" by Gregg Allison
This book hasn't actually been released yet, but we were fortunate to get a sneak preview. I'm sure glad we did. It was an amazingly thorough explanation of all that constitutes a church--doctrine, discipline, government, sacraments, etc.

Leading on Empty by Wayne Cordeiro
I read this around the time that Urban Meyer took a leave of absence from the University of Florida football program because of some health concerns. I kept thinking, "Man, he needs to read this book." And so do all leaders who push themselves beyond their limits without seeking God for renewal and strength.

Preaching the Whole Bible as Christian Scripture by Graeme Goldsworthy
In this book Goldsworthy builds upon his premise from Gospel Kingdom that Scripture is one overarching narrative and explains how this should impact the way a preacher preaches.

Lectures to My Students by Charles Spurgeon
I hadn't read much Spurgeon before this book, and my expectation was that it would be a thick theological read. But I was surprised to find that this book (a collection of lectures) was extremely personal and pastoral in nature.

Brothers, We Are Not Professionals by John Piper
Like Spurgeon's book, this was a helpful and practical look at what it means to be a pastor. Piper covers a variety of topics, including how to prepare a sermon and how to grow and mature as a pastor.

The Trellis and the Vine: The Ministry Mind-Shift that Changes Everything by Colin Marshall and Tony Payne
From what I can tell on the blogosphere, this is going to be an important book for everyone in vocational ministry. The premise is simple, but the application is essential: ministry is about seeing people grow in their relationship with Christ; putting in an inordinate amount of emphasis on systems and programs can detract from this purpose.

The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make by Hans Finzel
I think this book is a helpful companion to the above book. Finzel not only explains what these mistakes are (putting paperwork before peoplework, dictatorship in decision making, success without successors, etc.), he also provides practical solutions for correcting these mistakes.

Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath and Dan Heath
I'm curious to know how many good ideas are out there floating around that never gain any traction, and as the Heath brothers would say, stick. This is another one of those simple, but essential books. It explores how to create and cast vision in a way that causes others to jump (and stay) on board.

In My Google Reader...

A few years ago, I enjoyed clicking through my favorite blogs every couple of days and enjoying the wit of a particular writer. That was until Cliff observed me doing this daily clicking and immediately set me up with a Google Reader account. I love how efficient my husband is!

Since the beginning of my Google Reader, I now have many more blogs that I keep up with and learn from. I always love finding a new recipe, discovering a new way of looking at life, or laughing at a picture posted.

These are some of my favorites:

The Pioneer Woman - Ree Drummond is hilarious! If you've never read about the life and hysterics of The Pioneer Woman, you must. From cooking to homeschooling to decorating to photography, she makes me smile.

Passionate Homemaking - I always appreciate Lindsay's ideas about how to better care for my home and family.

Practical Theology for Women - This blog is excellent! Wendy applies the Truths of Scripture to every day life.

Molly Piper - This blog is written by the daughter-in-law of Dr. John Piper. She writes candidly about her life as a wife and mother and the challenges that she has faced in losing a child. Her faith, strength, and humor are very encouraging to me.

I also read many blogs that my friends write, which I enjoy immensely. As I read them, I am always thankful that I get to benefit from their wisdom, humor, and experience in real life and not only in cyberspace!

What blogs do you enjoy?

Mackenzie's Book List...Update: Part 2

When choosing books to read this year, I did so before we learned of our infertility and before we felt compelled and called to adopt. Since that moment, there have been a number of resources that we've accessed to learn about adoption, understanding our call as Christians to care for orphans, and what that means for our family.

Books I've read that weren't on my initial 2010 reading list:

Adopted for Life by Russell Moore
This book was instrumental in shaping our understanding of how adoption is a joy and brought us to a crucial understanding of how we were adopted as sons and daughters into the family of God when we put our faith in Jesus Christ. Absolutely phenomenal book. Read Cliff's thoughts here.

Fields of the Fatherless by Tom Davis
This book was not as moving as others I've read, but it did provide some helpful perspective on the role that others can play in supporting an adoptive family. To care for orphans doesn't necessarily mean adopting one; there are many other ways to love and care for the fatherless.

Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake
As I mentioned in my review, apart from Scripture, this book has been the most helpful to me in processing our infertility.

Why Was I Adopted? by Carole Livingston
This book was recommended to me by a friend of a friend who was adopted as an infant. She remembers reading this book frequently with her sister and she shared how helpful it was in helping her understand adoption. I came home after that coffee date and looked on Amazon to find the book was out of print...one new copy for over $1000 and a couple of used copies for less than $3. I'm sure you can guess which one I purchased! It arrived yesterday and this book is truly a treasure...we're sure our kids will love it!

Mackenzie's Book List...Update: Part 1

Early this year, I posted about the books I planned to read in 2010, which I'd never done before. I created the list initially because I'm finding more and more that if I'm not intentional, things just won't happen. So far, I'm glad I've made the list. I've certainly added to it and read books beyond this list related to what God is teaching me at this moment, but here are my "quick takes" on the books I've read so far and what is still on my list...

Books I've read so far this year:
Death by Love: Letters from the Cross (Re:Lit) by Mark Driscoll & Gerry Breshears
Great book! I'm thankful that I get to hear from Pastor Mark each Sunday. I included more details in the review I wrote a few months ago.

Womanly Dominion: More Than A Gentle and Quiet Spirit by Mark Chanski
This book was a great reminder of the role God has called me to as a woman and as a wife and the priorities which He's outlined for me in His Word.

The Majesty of the Law by Sandra Day O'Connor
To be honest, I had a hard time with this book. I just couldn't get in to it. I am fascinated by politics, law, and government, but for some reason had a hard time with this one. Maybe it just wasn't the right time to read it...I think I'll give it another try.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life (P.S.) by Barbara Kingsolver
This is one of my new favorites! I did not want it to end. I adored her entire chapter on squash! Read more of my thoughts here.

Real Food: What to Eat and Why by Nina Planck
Excellent book that opened my eyes to the importance of eating food that is "real"...food our grandparents or great-grandparents would have eaten. (No more margarine for our family!)

From Clutter to Clarity: Simplifying Life from the Inside Out by Nancy Twigg
This book was a helpful reminder, but nothing too surprising. I appreciated Ms. Twigg's emphasis on starting with prayer and submission to God in all things and not simply on the behavior modification of organizing my home. Read my previous post on this book here.

Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands by Paul David Tripp
I'm reading this book now and am learning so much about how to care for, talk with, and love other people in the midst of struggles. Excited to keep reading...

Books that I haven't read yet, but will soon:
Humility: True Greatness by C. J. Mahaney & Joshua Harris
The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis
The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name by Sally Lloyd-Jones
Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist by John Piper
In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto by Michael Pollan

Antioch Adoptions Banquet

On May 8th, Cliff and I had the opportunity to attend the annual Antioch Adoptions Banquet. This year was the celebration of their 10th anniversary and the fact that they've placed over 300 children into forever homes--AMAZING! It was a very special evening and we were very thankful our friends Samson and Liz joined us. Their company definitely made it even more fun!

The evening included stories of families who adopted children through Antioch Adoptions, celebrations of the blessings of adoption, many encouraging speakers, and a delicious meal. (We had a few empty seats at our table, so Samson and Cliff did a nice job of making sure none of the food went to waste.) They had also put together two slide shows, Orphan Montage and What is Adopted?, which were both informative and touching.

One of the highlights of the evening for me was seeing the adoptive families together. Not only had many of the children in attendance been placed into their families by Antioch Adoptions, but they also had a special job--they were the ushers who showed us to our table. It excited me to think that one day our children may attend and seat guests at upcoming banquets. What a joy that would be!

It was a very special evening and we were excited to support the amazing work God is doing through Antioch Adoptions.

Rejoice With Those Who Rejoice

A few months ago, as I was driving to work on the West Seattle Bridge, I had a crystal clear vision of Mackenzie and me standing on the stage at the Ballard campus dedicating our adopted child. What's strange is that I hadn't been thinking about adoption at all. I was just driving to work, listening to the radio, and thinking through my coming day. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, this picture popped into my mind.

Well, the floodgates immediately opened and I started bawling uncontrollably to the point that I almost had to pull over, which if you've been on the West Seattle Bridge, you know is nearly an impossible feat.

I'd never experienced anything like this before. Where had this come from and why had it come now? To be sure, adoption had been and continues to be a prominent topic of conversation for Mackenzie and me, so it was definitely on my mind. But until that point, our conversations had centered around the immediate next steps--not the hoped for eventual outcome and what that would entail.

It was clear that God was giving me a glimpse of what he had in store for us. He was showing me that being parents means more than just passing on our DNA; it means raising our children to know, honor, obey, and love Jesus. That's why we dedicate babies--not to secure their salvation (only Jesus can do that), but to promise to love and lead them in a way that points them to Jesus. In turn, our church family promises to support, encourage, and help us as we raise our children.

Mars Hill typically does baby dedications on Mother's Day and Father's Day, so two weeks ago, we watched twenty families at the Ballard campus stand before the congregation, introduce their child, read a few verses they had selected for him/her, and pray that God would help them raise their children in a way that glorifies Jesus.

It's a cute spectacle to say the least. In true Mars Hill fashion, many of the kids are decked out in Chuck Taylor's and spiky hair, but there's a fair share of pink bows and frilly dresses. Most of the kids either squirm, cry, or grab for the mic as their parents try to read their selected verses. Some of the kids even helped lead worship this year.

This year at the end of the service, Pastor Bill Clem, our campus pastor, acknowledged that for couples like us struggling with infertility or those who have experienced miscarriages, Mother's Day and Father's Day can be difficult emotionally. But he encouraged us to "Rejoice with those who rejoice," just as we would "weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). And as Mackenzie shared, by God's grace, we were able to do just that. We're thankful for how God has blessed so many families in our church and hopeful for the day we, too, will stand before our church and dedicate our child to the Lord.

Take Time to Smell the...Lilacs?

As I was out in the yard today, I noticed how many of our plants are blooming and how big everything is getting! I think this year I am most excited by our four year old lilac bushes that are blooming for the first time.

It makes me think about what our yard looked like when we bought our home four years ago--a 7,000 square foot lot with three trees and nothing else. It has been a lot of work and since landscaping can be quite costly, we've been diligent in finding free plants on Craigslist and scrounging from friends and neighbors.

As it all finally starts to come together, I will definitely admit that watching these plants grow from year to year is rewarding. I snapped a few photos of my favorites to share.

Just for Fun...

A Walk in Our Garden

potato

radish

spinach

Our garden is doing fairly well at this point. We've planted most of the seeds and many are beginning to sprout and show signs of the bounty yet to come. I was thrilled to harvest one of our radishes on Saturday! It was deliciously peppery and a beautiful, pinkish red. I look forward to having more homegrown veggies on my salads in the coming weeks and months.

How is your garden growing?

Language Land Mines

I've often felt that political correctness is politeness run amok--especially since politically correct terms seem to change on a daily basis. I don't enjoy the feeling of cautiously tip-toeing through conversations afraid to step on language land mines.

But being a recovering English geek, I am aware of what people say, how they say it, and how both effect the people to whom they're saying it. I want my speech to be edifying, not offensive (Ephesians 4:29).

And I've become even more aware of this as Mackenzie and I have shared our struggles with infertility and our pursuit of adoption. There's an element of vulnerability involved in both cases, and what people say and how they say it can have a significant impact.

With infertility, it's a matter of people wanting to ask questions and offer encouragement, but not really knowing how to do either without prying or somehow offending us. In terms of prying, we generally assure people that we're open to answer any questions and to share as many or as few details as they're comfortable with.

The encouragement piece is a little trickier. In most cases, the people offering encouragement are ones we love and who love us; consequently, they don't like seeing us hurting and want to assure us that everything will work out. This last part is true, but how everything will work out might be different than they or we think. I'm hesitant to share specific examples of the things people have said because I know they meant well, but I do want to reiterate that our hope is in Jesus and what he's done for us on the cross (namely, saving us from our sins and restoring our relationship with God the Father), not our ability to get pregnant.

What Mackenzie and I are currently working through is the language we'll use if/when we adopt. Russell Moore's book, Adopted For Life, (one that we both highly recommend) has been greatly helpful in this. He and his wife adopted two boys from Russia who were born three weeks apart, but not from the same biological parents. Moore explains in chapter two that one of the most common questions people asked him and his wife was "Are they brothers?" And each time someone asked them, he would emphatically reply, "Yes, they are."

Now to be sure, he knew what they meant. He knew it was a well intended question to learn more about the boys and their origins. But more importantly, he knew how essential it was for the boys to know that through adoption, they were in fact brothers--not to mention his sons.

That's one of the most beautiful things about adoption. People with no natural, genetic relationship are transformed into a family. And what's better is that this is a picture of our renewed relationship with God through his Son, Jesus. The Apostle Paul uses the image of adoption to explain the Gospel in several places: Ephesians 1:3-14, Galatians 4:3-7, and Romans 8:12-17.

In another chapter Moore stresses that "adopted" is a past-tense verb, not an adjective. He explains that "the term 'adopted kid' assumes an ongoing difference, something that differentiates him from a 'regular kid.'" But adoption is an act that happened in the past; it doesn't define a child anymore than being born premature makes a child the "premature kid" (to use another one of Moore's examples). Adoption is a part of their story, not their identity.

I don't share all of this with you so you'll watch what you say when you're around us, but to share with you what we've learned these past few months--how infertility and adoption are far different from what we could have ever imagined (and we're just getting started with the latter). Neither fit well into the plan we had for our family. But we've started to realize that this isn't Plan B; this is what God intended for us all along. And throughout this experience, we expect to learn things about him and ourselves that we never would have otherwise.

Happy Mother's Day!

Cliff and I feel so blessed to have moms who love and encourage us well. Even as adults, we continue to learn from and seek the wisdom of our moms. As I examine my own heart and desire to be a mom, I am overwhelmed by the high call of motherhood and the great energy, sacrifice, prayer, and selflessness required of moms.

I appreciate Mother's Day because it gives me a specific day during the year to thank my mom and mother-in-law for being two women who I deeply love, respect, and admire. I'm also incredibly thankful for my friends who are moms, as they allow me into their lives and the lives of their precious children to learn from them, laugh with them, and pray for them.

Thank you for being such excellent examples to me.

The Difficulty of Mother's Day

Last year was the first Mother's Day in my life where I had a desire to be a mom, was actively trying to become a mom, yet was not a mom. It was the first Mother's Day where I felt an ache for a child.

This year marks the second such Mother's Day. I still have a deep desire to be a mom, which I know comes from the Lord, but much is different this year.

• This year I know that the road to motherhood will look different for me than I once thought.
  
  
• This year my heart grieves for other women who desire to be mom's, yet aren't.
  
  
• This year I have a deeper understanding of God's plan for my life and the peace that can be found in trusting that His plan is far greater than my own.
  
  
• This Mother's Day we feel a profound call to adopt children, and I am thankful for the deep sense of direction that provides.

I have a friend who shared with me early in our struggle with infertility that it is possible to feel two emotions at one time: to rejoice with others, but still feel a longing within yourself. This is where I am this Mother's Day--rejoicing in the gift of motherhood, thankful for my mom and friends who are moms, sad that we are not yet parents, but praying that God would bless us with a child according to His perfect plan.

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Next Steps in the Adoption Process

Many of you have asked, "So now what?!?!" in reference to the next steps in our journey toward adoption. To summarize, there are many and they could take a long time.

We submitted our paperwork, and are now waiting for a phone call to set up interviews with Antioch Adoptions. If approved, we would then participate in PRIDE (Parents' Resources for Information Development Education) trainings through the state, complete a home study, and then wait for the child God has planned for our family. The entire process can go quickly (nine months) or can go more slowly (years).

For those of you that know Cliff and me well, the waiting game is not our strength. Nothing about this process is easy, expected, or accommodating to a couple of Type A planners like we are.

We are certainly learning what it looks like to submit to God's timing and not our own and to wait patiently. We would truly appreciate your prayers as we embark upon the very beginning of this huge and complex process.

I Like Control

This week our car went in for an oil change and came out with hundreds of dollars in additional repairs and a long list of things that needed to be fixed or replaced, including new tires.

Expensive and not on my "to do" list. Stressful for me.

This week our washing machine has been sitting in the middle of our mudroom, because it is not draining properly and there is likely a clog in our main line somewhere. We tried to remedy the problem, but the tools we have are not adequate for the job. We need a plumber.

Out of my control, messy, and distracting. Stressful for me.

This week, I've officially come to terms with the fact that the mattress we purchased on the cheap six years ago is terrible and I believe causing me to have some minor back pain, which I'm sure will only become worse if we don't change the mattress.

Annoying. Stressful for me.

I often think about this fictitious, perfect time when all things are paid off, we have no surprise expenses, nothing ever breaks or becomes ineffective, and on, and on, and on...That just isn't reality in this life. (Thankfully it is in heaven!) The truth is, we live in a fallen, sinful world full of trouble, problems, inconveniences, and turmoil. Our cars, washing machines, mattresses, and our bodies, are failing. It is a good reminder to me that God is in control. He created everything that my eyes can see, my ears can hear, my fingers can touch, and everything beyond that.

A few months ago, during a particularly difficult moment of frustration over things not going my way, Cliff pointed me to Psalm 121. It has been a source of encouragement to me over the last few months, as well as a source of conviction. This text also provided an opportunity to confess that I don't always look to God for my hope or trust that He will keep me.

I pray this Psalm for myself and for you today--that we would be encouraged in the Truth that God keeps us and that ultimately our hope is in Jesus and not in a "perfectly" tidy home, life, job, bank account, etc.

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.