I Like Control

This week our car went in for an oil change and came out with hundreds of dollars in additional repairs and a long list of things that needed to be fixed or replaced, including new tires.

Expensive and not on my "to do" list. Stressful for me.

This week our washing machine has been sitting in the middle of our mudroom, because it is not draining properly and there is likely a clog in our main line somewhere. We tried to remedy the problem, but the tools we have are not adequate for the job. We need a plumber.

Out of my control, messy, and distracting. Stressful for me.

This week, I've officially come to terms with the fact that the mattress we purchased on the cheap six years ago is terrible and I believe causing me to have some minor back pain, which I'm sure will only become worse if we don't change the mattress.

Annoying. Stressful for me.

I often think about this fictitious, perfect time when all things are paid off, we have no surprise expenses, nothing ever breaks or becomes ineffective, and on, and on, and on...That just isn't reality in this life. (Thankfully it is in heaven!) The truth is, we live in a fallen, sinful world full of trouble, problems, inconveniences, and turmoil. Our cars, washing machines, mattresses, and our bodies, are failing. It is a good reminder to me that God is in control. He created everything that my eyes can see, my ears can hear, my fingers can touch, and everything beyond that.

A few months ago, during a particularly difficult moment of frustration over things not going my way, Cliff pointed me to Psalm 121. It has been a source of encouragement to me over the last few months, as well as a source of conviction. This text also provided an opportunity to confess that I don't always look to God for my hope or trust that He will keep me.

I pray this Psalm for myself and for you today--that we would be encouraged in the Truth that God keeps us and that ultimately our hope is in Jesus and not in a "perfectly" tidy home, life, job, bank account, etc.

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.

Antioch Adoptions Banquet

We are excited to attend the annual Antioch Adoptions Banquet on Saturday, May 8, to celebrate the amazing work God has done through this agency! This year marks their 10th anniversary; celebrating more than 300 children placed into Christian families without charging families any fees. We are praying this agency is the vehicle by which God brings children into our family.

Would you like to join us in celebrating the amazing work God has done through Antioch Adoptions? Tickets to this celebration are $40 per person and tickets can be purchased by clicking HERE.

The Mission of Antioch Adoptions: To place infants and children regardless of ethnicity, age, or special needs into Christian adoptive homes, and to remove financial, perceptual and practical barriers to adoption.

Suffering Well

Below is an exert that appeared on the Resurgence blog from Pastor Mark's new book, Doctrine. It explains that we image God (i.e. think, feel, act like him) when we suffer well.

When the clouds of trial, pain, loss, hardship, hurt, and tears roll in, we must never forget that our Lord Jesus Christ imaged God well even when suffering. When Jesus was hurting the most, as he hung on the cross for our sins, he reflected the mercy and justice of God perfectly.

Jesus invites us to not waste the worst moments and seasons of our life but rather consider them treasures to be invested purposefully in glorifying God by imaging the character of Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit. This is Jesus' point when he says, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'

Thankfully, unlike so many half-true theologies that speak only of the victories of Christian life and how to image God when we are winning, Jesus shows us that if our aim is to image God, then when we win and lose and as we live and die, every moment is a sacred opportunity to be captured for his glory, our joy, and others' good.

From Doctrine, Chapter 4. Image: God Loves (pgs. 141–142).

We Submitted Our Adoption Paperwork!

It's hard to believe that we attended the Intro to Adoption Class at Antioch Bible Church just six weeks ago. Since then, we've been sorting through all the paperwork and preparing to take the next step in the process: mailing a rather full envelope off to Antioch Adoptions, which Mackenzie did yesterday!

A few weeks ago, we also went to the King County Courthouse to have our finger prints taken as part of our FBI background check. Let me tell you, the courthouse is not a fun place--nothing says "welcome" like metal detectors. (And while Mackenzie was getting her fingerprints taken, I witnessed an intoxicated man yell, "I'm 'bout to sue somebody. I don't need no identification," to the woman behind the counter.)

Moving forward, it takes about a month to process the packet and schedule a pre-screening appointment, which is a 2-3 hour meeting with a pastor from Antioch and a member of the adoption ministry team.

Please pray that God would continue preparing our hearts and our home for the child (or children) he has chosen for us, and help us be patient as we walk through this process.

People God Brings

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” -2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I’m sure it wouldn’t be a surprise for me to tell you that there have been some pretty low, lows over the last few months, but you might be surprised to know that we’ve also experienced some of the most encouraging moments as well. We have been amazed at the peace we have that comes only from God, but also the people God has brought into our lives.

On Thursday, March 18, Cliff and I had an appointment with a doctor at the University of Washington. After discussing the results from Cliff's most recent round of tests, he gave us a treatment plan, which included putting Cliff on some medication, putting me on some medication, and scheduling follow up appointments with him and with a local fertility clinic. We left assuming that we’d move forward. Why wouldn’t we? We had said we wanted to do some of these treatments, the doctor felt like they could work, they weren’t as expensive as some of the other options, etc.

But frankly, we left feeling overwhelmed and unsure. We prayed and asked others to pray with and for us, that God would make clear to us His plan—seek medical intervention, seek adoption, or do both simultaneously. We decided to take until Monday to fill any prescriptions or move forward with any decisions.

On Saturday morning, we typically get together with our community group from church. On this particular Saturday, a new family walked in the door: mom, dad, and daughter. We welcomed them, learned their names, and were excited they’d joined us. As we began talking, I shared that Cliff and I were facing infertility, were praying about whether to pursue adoption or seek medical intervention, and that we were praying for people to speak into this decision.

At that point, the wife from the new couple, said, “We adopted our daughter three years ago.” She went on to tell us that she previously worked for an adoption agency and has been praying for a couple to walk through adoption with.

God answered our prayers. He didn’t answer our prayer by audibly speaking to me, but He answered it by strategically placing a family in our life to comfort us, provide wisdom, and encourage us through the complex process of adoption.

It is moments like this that remind me that nothing is coincidental...nothing.

I am so thankful that God has a plan—a plan that is far greater than our own.
I am so thankful for new friends (and “old” friends alike).
I am so thankful for people to speak into our life from their own personal experiences.
I am so thankful that God uses the trials of life to bless others.

We feel quite blessed to see God at work in such a powerful way.

Book Recommendation: Hannah's Hope

In mid-January when we were right at the beginning of learning about the severity of our infertility, I did an online search for resources written by Christian women who had experienced infertility. This book was mentioned on almost every blog, so I went ahead and purchased it. I am very thankful I did.

Hannah's Hope is written by Jennifer Saake, a woman who has experienced ten miscarriages and failed adoptions. She and her husband created a nonprofit organization, Hannah's Prayer Ministries, to help couples struggling with infertility, miscarriage, and adoption loss. She deeply and personally understands these painful struggles.

As you can probably assume from the title, the author frames her book around Hannah from the Bible. Hannah is a woman deeply saddened by her inability to conceive. 1 Samuel 1-2 tells the story of God's work in her life. Ultimately, Hannah does give birth to a son, Samuel, whom she gives over to the Lord. Samuel came into existence according to God's perfect plan for his life as well as for Hannah's.

One thing I really appreciated about this book is that Mrs. Saake emphasized the fact that God does allow some couples struggling with infertility to become pregnant; however, that is not always the way God answers the desire for children. Some couples have the honor of adopting children, and others choose to love the children of friends and family. I appreciated at one point in the book she mentioned that, "God may surprise you by the ways He answers your heart's cry." Even though we may be surprised by His plan, it is ultimately far greater than our own.

In this book, Mrs. Saake addresses the anger, sadness, and hope that sometimes come with struggling to have a child. As she writes, she does so from personal experience, but more notably using biblical truth.

One section of this book that could be very helpful for many people is the section at the end of each chapter entitled "Burden Bearers." This section is written for friends, family, and church leaders who are supporting or counseling people struggling with infertility. Each section offers useful tips about what to say and what might be hurtful, whether intended or not.

I would most definitely consider this book a "must read" for anyone who has a friend or family member dealing with infertility, anyone who has walked the road of infertility, or anyone who counsels people struggling with infertility. While the cover of the book is distinctly feminine, Cliff initially read the book to gain a deeper understanding into what I might be feeling, but found it incredibly helpful for himself.

Apart from Scripture, this book has been the most helpful to me in our struggle with infertility.

Ellis Update: Pursuing Adoption

For those of you who didn’t know, Cliff and I have been trying to get pregnant for the last year and a half. For the first nine months or so, I wasn’t too concerned that we weren’t achieving a pregnancy and kept telling myself that it would take time. But in August of 2009, after about a year of trying, God used a sermon from Pastor Mark which dealt with infertility, a passage I read in Job 39, and the news from several friends that they were pregnant to help me realize my sin of self-reliance and my true feelings, which I had been blind to: I was sad we weren’t pregnant. That sadness coupled with conversations with Cliff, the urging of good friends, and much prayer prompted me to see my primary care physician for my annual appointment and to discuss our infertility.

That led us to see four different doctors, most of them fertility specialists, and complete a myriad of fertility tests for both Cliff and me before we were told that medically speaking, we have “less than a 2% chance of getting pregnant without medical intervention.” The doctors’ suggested course of treatment, based on Cliff’s abnormal semen analyses and my low progesterone levels was In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). We have decided not to pursue IVF because of the cost and our own comfort level.

One doctor suggested Intra Uterine Insemination (IUI), which is much less expensive than IVF. He put together a plan for us to try, and I was excited about the chance to at least try this procedure. But after prayerfully considering this option, both Cliff and I just have a “gut” feeling that we aren’t to pursue medical intervention for our infertility at this time. We are not opposed to medical intervention—just don’t feel called to pursue it.

On March 8, 2010, amidst many weeks of doctor appointments, we attended an Intro to Adoption class at Antioch Adoptions, which is a ministry of Antioch Bible Church. This amazing ministry offers adoptions at no cost to Christian families living in Western Washington. We learned about this ministry when we attended Antioch Bible Church before becoming members at Mars Hill Church.

God did a work in us at the Intro to Adoption class; we both left feeling very excited by the opportunity to adopt children. Since then, as we’ve prayed for clarity over whether to adopt or pursue medical intervention, God has overwhelmingly pointed us toward adoption and we are thankful for that direction.

Cliff and I have had a difficult few months, but have been amazed at how God has carried us through this. At no other point in my life have I ever felt such a deep connection to Jesus and comfort in my suffering. We have learned a lot, have been humbled by the love and support of friends and family, and are joyful about what God is doing in and through us.

We pray every day for the child or children God will bring into our home, whether through adoption or biologically. Our prayer is that ultimately, our hope is in Jesus, not in our desire for a child through adoption or pregnancy—that we would rely on Him for our comfort and peace.

In the coming weeks and months, we plan to give you periodic updates on where we are in the process and what God is doing in the midst of it. In the meantime, your prayers are greatly appreciated.

Please pray that we would keep our eyes on Jesus and not become entirely focused on our desire for children. Please ask us hard questions. Please know that we want to talk about this openly and honestly and that we’re thankful for friends and family to do that with. Please share with us what you’re struggling with and how we can pray for you.

A verse that has been of great comfort to us in the last few months and is written on our fridge indefinitely is James 1:2-3:

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.”

Tulips!!!

The beautiful, bold colors of our tulips are beginning to show. I love watching their tiny little heads emerge from the ground and then surprise us with their color. We have a number of varieties, and from year to year I can't ever seem to remember what color they are. My confusion actually makes things quite exciting, because each spring I am surprised when they do finally "pop"!

Favorite Restaurants

Cliff and I have been doing a weekly date night for at least the last two years, usually on Friday evenings. That typically includes going out to dinner because we both enjoy good food and trying new restaurants. Cliff usually comes up with a creative idea to try a new spot, but much of the time when he asks where I might like to go, I just smile and he knows that I'm dreaming of an old favorite.

These are some of our old favorites:

• Buddha Ruksa - The crispy garlic chicken is their speciality and a food I believe I could eat every single day for the rest of my life! I rarely agree to eat Thai food anywhere but Buddha.
• Mission - Another West Seattle fave, this chic Mexican restaurant has a charming atmosphere, delicious guacamole, and a mean margarita!
• West 5 - Yet another West Seattle gem, who has the best happy hour as far as I'm concerned. Their nachos are amazing and the Mai Thai for $4 is huge, delicious, and comes in a fun glass - what could be better?
• Elliot Bay Brewery - Can you say root beer on tap and a Whiskey BBQ burger? I can and do every time we go to Elliot Bay!
• King's Hardware - A great burger joint in Ballard where we sometimes go on Sundays. How can you not love a place that has a Peanut Butter Burger? I've tried it - pretty good!

Do you have any favorites? We'd love to give them a try! Well that is if Cliff can get me to go somewhere other than Buddha Ruksa!

Marginless Living

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your long list of "to do's" or stressed looking ahead to the next day, week, or month? I do. Usually because I've chosen to say "yes" more than I've said "no." Recognizing that life is busy, my dilemma becomes how I honor God in each moment of what sometimes feels like chaos.

Earlier this year, I attended a mid-week class at our church taught by Pastor Bill Clem (the Mars Hill Ballard campus pastor) on Spiritual Disciplines. He taught on Worship, Fasting, Sabbath, Solitude, and many other disciplines we as Christians can and should practice; not out of duty to be "good" people, but out of a desire to become more like Jesus and deepen our relationship with Him.

One of the things Pastor Bill shared that really resonated with me was the idea that most of us are living marginless lives. When we read a book, the designer of the text has placed open space around the outside edge of the page and space between paragraphs to help the reader access the text and be able to slow down, jot notes, or take a moment to think. Pastor Bill went on to say that many of us do not have these margins within our own lives - we pack our schedules so tightly that we don't/can't take the time to stop and pray with a friend, call our families, or be available to help those in need. He also noted that this marginless living was not only about our time, but we also do this with our money, so we don't have any "wiggle" room to bless others. That was very convicting for me. In many ways, I am living a marginless life.

So that begs the question...how can those margins become part of my life? How can I align my priorities so I'm not just running from one "to do" to another?

Lately, I've been praying that God would open my heart and build in me an understanding 0f the important versus the urgent and the necessary versus the unnecessary.

I am thankful that this week is my spring break; that I have some time to hit the "reset" button and focus on what is really important. In that, my desire is to have God-honoring priorities: time with God, time with Cliff, working in our home, and time with friends and family. I am praying that God would continue to teach me what it means to live a life with margins and how to honor Him with my priorities.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." -Matthew 6:33

Happy Birthday, Gunner!

Yesterday, Gunner turned 2! It doesn't seem that long ago that this wild one joined our little family. He has brought much joy, heartache, and laughter to our home.

While I am embarrassed to say, I've actually thrown a dog birthday party (for Tucker a few years ago), Gunner's birthday coincided with Easter, so he got a sleepy day at home with Tucker. I guess that is appropriate for a yellow lab's birthday. He certainly doesn't know the difference!

Nonetheless, he is a special part of our family and we are thankful for his sweet life.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! What a glorious day it is to celebrate that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is alive - raised from the dead!

"For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21

If you haven't been able to get to church or would like to visit our church online, all the services today are being streamed live. The last one is at 7:15pm (PDT). Awesome music, a great message from Pastor Mark, and baptisms - lots of them! 222 people were baptized as of 11:30am today! CHECK IT OUT!

Christ is Risen. Christ is Risen, indeed!

Colorful Eggs

Tonight we spontaneously had our friends Brian, Teresa, and their darling one-year old son, Sam, over for dinner. We had a great night watching the basketball games, playing peek-a-boo with Sam, reading his favorite books, and we also decided to dye some eggs.

As a kid, I don't remember this really being a family tradition, but last year and this year, I've participated in this spring time ritual and loved it! This year Teresa shared some egg dyeing tips: use brown eggs as they produce richer colors and put the egg into a wire whisk so they get evenly coated and your fingers don't turn colors. Both ideas made the whole process much easier and our results more beautiful.

Brian and Cliff watched the basketball games, Sam wandered from room to room (after dyeing one egg), and Teresa and I had a wonderful time together. Check our our handiwork below...

Droid Does

Well, after careful consideration, we decided to go with the Droid. In fact, I'm blogging with it now using the BlogAway app (so I'll keep this brief--my thumbs can only do so much).

More to come on the apps we're using and fun we're having.

iPhone vs. Droid

On March 20th, we're eligible to renew our two-year contract with Verizon. On the whole we've been pleased with the service from Verizon, but AT&T's exclusive rights to the iPhone makes switching carriers a tempting decision.

I've somehow managed to survive without a smartphone up to this point in my life (and yes, I know that I could go on surviving without one), but I've witnessed countless moments where having one would have come in handy. So whether we stay with Verizon or switch to AT&T, chances are pretty good that I'll be getting a smartphone. (Mackenzie is much less interested in one, but she might consider getting one, too.)

Verizon is doing what it can to compete with AT&T and the iPhone, including launching the "there's a map for that" ad campaign (to which AT&T responded with a celebrity spokesman, Luke Wilson--not sure why he was their choice). But most importantly, they've been introducing their own line of smartphones--particularly, the Droid (and there are rumors that they might be adding the Google Nexus One).

Based on this comparison chart, in some ways the Droid is actually a better phone, but Apple just has a knack for design and functionality. One hangup in particular is the Android Market, which is a much clunkier counterpart to the iTunes store. It's not just the amount of available apps, but the way in which you can find, preview, and download them.

Verizon currently has a "buy one smartphone, get the second one free" offer going on until the end of March, so between March 20th and March 31st, we need to make our decision.

Anyone out there have any thoughts one way or another?

What Can You Do with the Gospel?

Justin Taylor, who currently works at Crossway, a Christian publishing company responsible for the English Standard Version of the Bible, and who used to work at Desiring God, which offers resources from John Piper's ministry, has a blog with the Gospel Coalition called "Between Two Worlds."

In a recent post, he used 1 Corinthians 15:1-2 to create a list of things "you can (and should) do with the Gospel":

• preach it
• hear it preached
• deliver it
• receive it
• believe it
• be saved by it
• remember it
• remind others of it
• stand in it
• hold fast to it

Seeds Sprouting

Last week, we planted a square of beets (nine seeds), a square of radishes (sixteen seeds), a square of Swiss chard (four seeds), and two squares of carrots (sixteen seeds each). The only things I think we have left to plant from seed are beans and cucumbers. We'll buy starts for everything else (tomatoes, peppers, herbs).

But the exciting news is that some of our seeds are starting to sprout.

Here's a shot of three pea sprouts.

And here's one of the spinach sprouts.

Why Do People Reject Jesus?

A few weeks ago, Pastor Mark Driscoll, the preaching pastor at Mars Hill Church, where we've been attending for the past four years and where I've worked for nearly the last two years, taught from Luke 4:22-30.

In this passage, Jesus visits his hometown, Nazareth, and preaches to the people there. At first, they're excited to have him preach because he's gained quite a reputation in the area, but when he starts calling them out on their sin...well, their mood changes a bit--to the point that they're ready to throw him off a cliff.

From this text, Pastor Mark laid out eight reasons why people might reject Jesus:

1. Theology
2. Control
   
3. Greed
   
4. Selfishness
5. Familiarity
6. Comfort
7. Embarrassment
8. Religion

You can read more about these eight reasons for rejecting Jesus HERE or you can watch the whole sermon HERE.

Why We're Gardening

If you've been reading our blog the past few weeks, you've probably noticed a few posts about what we're doing in our garden and how we're doing it (1, 2). But before we get too far ahead of ourselves, I thought I'd take a moment to list a few reasons why we're gardening.

In no particular order:

1. It's an opportunity to learn something new.

2. It's something we can enjoy doing together.

3. It's an excuse to be outside.

4. It's a relatively inexpensive hobby.

5. In fact, we're hoping it will help supplement our grocery bill.

6. It's fun.

7. It's challenging.

8. It's an excuse to play in the dirt.

9. It's a chance to see and celebrate new life.

10. It's a way to further understand the abundance of agrarian imagery in the Bible.

To those of you who are fellow gardeners, why do you garden? To those of you who aren't, why not?

Trip to Friday Harbor

Last weekend, Mackenzie and I drove two hours north to Anacortes and took an hour-long ferry ride to Friday Harbor on San Juan Island.

We were starving when we arrived, so we quickly sought out a place to eat. We decided on the Blue Water Bar and Grill for some delicious fish and chips--some of the best I've ever had.

We then spent the day driving around the island, stopping at various lookouts and beaches along the way, including Lime Kiln, which claims to be the best place in the world to see Orcas. (The Orcas follow the salmon out to sea and back, so unfortunately, they were nowhere to be seen, but we hope to do a whale watch sometime in the near future.)

After getting our fill of the island (including a stop to see Mona the camel at the San Juan Vineyard), we checked in to our room at the Friday Harbor House. The view was gorgeous--literally one block off the water near the ferry terminal. We then went to dinner at Pazzo Vivo for some delicious pizza and mediocre live music.

The next day, after enjoying an impressive continental breakfast (homemade scones, granola, yogurt, and fruit), we spent some more time exploring the shops and sites in Friday Harbor, including a few bookstores and the San Juan Coffee Roasting Company. We then caught the midday ferry and had lunch in Anacortes at Adrift Cafe.

We were blessed to have two beautiful days of weather, and everything seemed to go off without a hitch (except that a good portion of our pictures didn't turn out, but more on that later). We've already talked about going back with my parents in mid-March, depending on the weather.

I couldn't get the Flickr slideshow to embed, but you can find more pictures HERE.